


Vestiges

by JoeyWrites



Series: Kanehide: What Should Have Been [4]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Memory Loss, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 03:49:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30015696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoeyWrites/pseuds/JoeyWrites
Summary: Everyone seems to desire a different future for Ken Kaneki, but only one can prevail.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi
Series: Kanehide: What Should Have Been [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125719
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	Vestiges

_ Fuck. Where did it all go wrong? _

Currently, this sole question was plaguing Kaneki’s mind, and he couldn’t find a concrete answer to it. He had already pondered this question many times in the nine months since his transformation, and it seemed that every time he did, it always went more wrong. This was only proven by the fact that he was now alone, wandering in the depths of the Tokyo sewer system, the fetid stench of human (and ghoul) waste infiltrating his nostrils with each breath. Somehow, it smelled worse than he remembered it as a human, threatening to suffocate him even if he continued breathing normally. 

Above him, a violent battle was raging. No. Battle was just a formality. It was a  _ bloodbath,  _ and he had barely escaped with his injuries. Anteiku, the cafe that had generously taken him in on that fateful day, had been attacked by the CCG, under the rightful suspicion that it was run by ghouls. Yes, they were ghouls, but they were also people who worked hard to serve their community. They were his  _ friends, _ if they’d still allow it after what he did. After all, he had abandoned them to forge his own path, to find out exactly why this life as a ghoul had been forcefully thrust upon him. Touka, his closest coworker who he had confided in many times, was especially upset. The last time they had spoken, she let him know, in no uncertain terms, that he was no longer welcome among the Anteiku ghouls. He couldn’t blame her for the way she reacted. After all, it was his fault. He no longer had a place to belong. Not even with  _ him. _

Even though Kaneki hadn’t seen him since he was brutally tortured by Aogiri, not a day went by when he didn’t think about him. His striking blond hair, and his equally bright clothing that he somehow managed to look good in. His warm smile that drew Kaneki to him like a planet towards its star. His laughter, irreverent and playful, but genuine and caring all the same. Hide’s image was still crystal clear in Kaneki’s mind after all this time, and for that, he was at least grateful. He clung to this image, cherished it as if losing it meant losing himself. He couldn’t let Hide see him. Not like he was now. 

With the ghouls of Anteiku, it was different. Even though he was no longer one of them, he still came back to fight for them, knowing they wouldn’t judge him for the monster he was, but he couldn’t face Hide. Never again. Not only because he was afraid of being rejected by him, but because he didn’t know if he’d be able to keep himself from hurting him. That day that they were attacked by Nishio, Kaneki had barely been able to suppress his hunger before Touka intervened. He couldn’t risk something like that happening again. He loved him too much. As much as he would give to feel Hide’s lips against his, even just slightly, just like that one time at the skatepark, he couldn’t, and even though he had accepted this fact long ago, it killed him inside. Much like his hunger was doing in a more literal sense right now. No, not  _ his _ hunger. Something else.

Again, the voices that haunted him came, like claws scratching at his delicate brain tissue.  **MINE. FLESH. MINE. GIVE.** He could have sworn he’d heard this voice before. Memories of blood and checkerboard patterns came to him, nearly making him double over in pain. 

**GIVE IT. RETURN MY FLESH.** The low, rumbling voice of his tormentor was like the toll of a bell in his skull. Even long after Kaneki had consumed his flesh to increase his own strength, still it haunted him. 

**EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT.** Then, an awful tingling in his gut. The dreadful sensation that something was gnawing at him from the inside, like a parasite inside its host. 

_ NO! GET OUT OF MY BODY!  _ Kaneki wasn’t sure if he said it aloud. The cacophony in his head was overpowering. 

**GIVE. EAT. GIVE. EAT.** Finally, his kagune burst out of his body, flailing its grotesque appendages in all directions. The thing that marked Kaneki as a ghoul, integrated itself into his very identity, was now trying to hurt him.  **FLESH. RETURN TO ME MY FLESH.** Crimson blood came spilling out of him in great spurts, and he screamed, even as he was so absolutely certain no one could hear him.  _ SOMEBODY HELP ME! I DON’T WANT TO DIE LIKE THIS!  _

“Yo, Kaneki!” All of a sudden, everything stopped. The voices, his wounds, and the pain he felt disappeared as if they never existed to begin with. Only this newer, friendlier voice broke the silence. A silhouette stood on the other end of the underground aqueduct, approaching ever so calmly.

“What’s with the outfit? Is that what’s hip these days or what?” The figure was now close enough that Kaneki could make out the features. He was a human, wearing a dull gray CCG combat suit. He would be otherwise unrecognizable if it weren’t for his blond hair.  _ No. It can’t be.  _

“Hi...de?” Kaneki’s voice came out as a hideous rasp. 

“Well, isn’t that something. You look like you just walked off the set of some movie.” His voice was still as pleasant and soothing as it ever was. Deep down, Kaneki felt a familiar yearning. 

_ This isn’t real. There’s no way. Hide can’t be here. _ He tried to rationalize with himself. He couldn’t make eye contact. He looked away, hoping that when he looked back, Hide would already be gone. 

“You don’t need to hide from me. You can take off that mask now.” Obviously, he was referring to his centipede-like kakuja, which only served to make him look even more monstrous. Kaneki felt his pulse quicken as he feared the worst. He had imagined this scenario in his nightmares so many times, but he never thought he’d have to deal with it in the waking world, especially so soon. He shut his eyes tightly, bracing himself for the incoming rejection. Then, he jolted as he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“I already knew, man! Who cares about that, let’s just go home already!” Slowly, Kaneki opened his eyes. Now, in the darkness, he could clearly see Hide’s usual grin, and he could have sworn his hair had grown longer. Wait, Hide wasn’t rejecting him? This was almost less believable than his earlier hallucinations. 

“Wha--what are you doing here?” Kaneki could barely find his voice. Even if this was all fake, he might as well see how this all played out. 

“Long story, I’ll tell ya later,” said Hide, his hand still planted firmly on Kaneki’s shoulder. “What matters is I found you again. Now come on, let’s go!” 

“No!” Kaneki replied fearfully, finally finding his voice. “Get away from me! I’m dangerous!” 

“Ah, come on, give that tragic hero schtick a rest, would ya?” Hide teased. “I knew you were a ghoul since that day Nishio attacked us, and I remember you came to my rescue. The Kaneki I know is a big softie, and even though you’re different now, I know you wouldn’t hurt me. Even if you wanted to.” Kaneki was momentarily stunned with silence. This all felt way too real now. As Kaneki met Hide’s gaze once more, he was greeted with a soft smile. In an instant, any doubts Kaneki had vanished. As his kakuja retreated back into his body, he wrapped his arms around his best friend and sobbed into his shoulder. Hide returned the embrace, gently rubbing the ghoul’s back.

“Shh, it’s okay now, I’m here,” he soothed. “You’re safe.” 

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me you knew?” Kaneki cried as he pulled away.

“Well, I...I guess I just didn’t know how,” Hide replied. “I figured I’d be pressuring you if I told you I knew.” He looked away, frowning slightly. “Plus, I felt like you and I were growing apart. You made such good friends with the ghouls at Anteiku, so I thought you’d be happier if you were closer with more like-minded people, I guess. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.” Kaneki felt a pang of guilt in his chest. 

“That’s not true,” he sniffled. “I was just afraid to face you. I didn’t want you to reject me.” Hearing that out loud, Kaneki realized how foolish he had been for thinking that Hide was even capable of being so cruel.

“I can’t fault you for that,” Hide admitted. “But I still wanted to help you somehow, so I took matters into my own hands to find you before the CCG did. Really, all I had to do was keep a close eye on you from afar, then slip away while everyone else was distracted by the fighting. And it worked. We’re back together again, just like old times.” Hide’s eyes began to gloss over with tears as well. 

“I love you, Kaneki. As you were, and as you are.” Kaneki’s heart felt like it would fly out of his chest at those words. For so long, he had only daydreamed about hearing them, and now, it was a reality. Throwing all caution to the wind, he captured Hide’s lips with his own, and the human returned the kiss with just as much eager desperation. It was everything he ever dreamed of. The taste of Hide’s mouth was intoxicating, and he lingered there, caressing his face for a few more seconds before pulling away. He felt it would be dangerous to kiss him for too long, for obvious reasons. 

“I love you too, Hide. I always have. I just wanna be with you. Nothing else.” Kaneki felt all tension leave his body as he finally unleashed his deepest feelings for his lifelong friend. 

“You could have at least picked a better venue for our first kiss. Now I’m gonna smell shit every time we make out,” Hide joked, and Kaneki laughed with him for the first time in what seemed like forever. “But enough of that, let’s go already!” He stood up and reached out his hand to Kaneki, who took it gladly, wanting to go anywhere as long as it was just the two of them. 

~~~

“Now, the CCG’s gonna be on your tail for a while, so we’re definitely gonna have to leave the country,” said Hide matter-of-factly as they searched for a safe escape route.

“And go where?” Kaneki asked, mostly out of curiosity.

“Hm, well, I was thinking...maybe Hawaii? There’s lots of Japanese people there, we’d blend right in!” 

“Yeah, but isn’t it expensive? And on the other side of the ocean?” 

“Well yeah, but we can plan! We’re criminals, we don’t need to obey any laws!” Kaneki couldn’t help but smile. Being fugitives together with Hide didn’t sound so bad. 

“Someplace warm, definitely,” Hide continued. “Maybe Mexico? Brazil? Or what about--”

“Hideyoshi Nagachika.” A strong, solemn voice suddenly rang out through the darkness, stopping both of them in their tracks. They turned around to see a tall figure, with a white trench coat and white hair that matched Kaneki’s, approaching them. In his hand, he carried a large briefcase.

“Crap. It’s Kishou Arima,” said Hide, his trembling voice betraying the trembling of his body. “This guy’s bad news.” 

“Hideyoshi Nagachika, CCG rank assistant investigator.” He repeated in the same flat intonation as before. “You have been found guilty of colluding with a known ghoul, which is therefore a direct violation of Article 119 of the Ghoul Countermeasures Law.” In the blink of an eye, he unsheathed a lance from his briefcase and held it menacingly in front of him. “You are hereby sentenced to death.” Before Hide could properly react, Arima lifted the lance over his head. Then, in the very next instant, Kaneki leapt in front of him, blocking the blade with his kagune.

“GET AWAY FROM HIM!” He snarled. Arima simply acknowledged him silently. They stood inches apart, staring each other down, and like a flash, Kaneki made the first move. He took to the air, trying to finish the fight quickly by slamming his opponent in an aerial assault, but he dodged effortlessly. Furious, Kaneki went on the offensive, unleashing a flurry of attacks on the stoic warrior, but to no avail. After sidestepping every single one, Arima skewered Kaneki through the abdomen, making him collapse on the ground, coughing up blood. Hide could only look on, paralyzed in horror. 

“Ngh! I...I can still fi--” When Kaneki attempted to get back up, Arima simply shoved his lance through the back of his head, poking out one of his eyes. Kaneki screamed horrifically. Hide could no longer watch, simply crouching on the ground and burying his face in his hands.

“Hide...r-run...run away from here…” Every word out of Kaneki’s mouth was a laborious effort. 

“No!” Hide cried, still unable to bring himself to look up. “I’m not leaving you. If...if you die here, we die together.” As he finished his declaration, he heard another long series of exchanged blows, finally punctuated by a sickening squelch. Now, both of Kaneki’s eyes had been rendered useless. Hide sat there, nearly catatonic as he stared unblinking at the ground, as Arima towered above him, unmoving as ever. 

“Do not worry. I did not deal him a fatal blow.” Arima’s words suggested reassurance, even if his tone didn’t. “He will be taken into my custody. He has proven himself worthy.” Hide didn’t know how to respond. 

“Look at me.” Only on Arima’s command did the human obey. “There is an exit further down that tunnel that will take you away from the battlefield." He pointed in the general direction. "I suggest you go into hiding immediately. If the CCG catches you, they will punish you for desertion if not conspiracy.” With that ominous warning, he slung Kaneki over his shoulder and turned on his heel. “Farewell.” Hide could only watch in shock as the man in white walked away.

“Y-you. Give him back,” he commanded, but Arima did not answer. “GIVE HIM BACK TO ME! GIVE HIM BACK DAMMIT!” He pounded his hand on the ground in anguish as he cried. “COME BACK HERE, YOU BASTARD! I JUST GOT HIM BACK!” He yelled after Arima until he vanished into the shadows, until his voice became a hoarse whisper, until fatigue took over his body and he slumped against the sewer wall in utter defeat. It seemed now more than ever, Hide was chasing a future he could never have.

~~~

Night time. A public park in the middle of the city. This place held many memories for him. Didn’t it? He had seen it so often in his sleep, so it must have some significance. This dream was more lucid than the rest, however. He could feel the gentle evening breeze on his skin. In the distance, a brightly-colored figure stood, as still as a scarecrow, seemingly beckoning him to approach. Why did he feel so inclined? What drew him towards this person? As their eyes met, the boy smiled gently at him, and his voice, as soft and airy as the wind around him, spoke, seemingly without the need of an open mouth: 

_I love you, Kaneki. As you were, and as you are._ But he did not know this name. A strong gust swept through the dreamscape, and the boy vanished as abruptly as he came. He did not have time to ponder his parting cryptic words before being interrupted by his alarm. Groaning, he sat up and silenced the ringing of his phone. Removing his blankets and rising out of bed, he went to join his roommates, who were already making a huge racket in their attempt to cook breakfast.

“Morning, Sasaki! Did you sleep well?” 

“Oh, you know,” Sasaki smiled. “Same as usual.” 

**Author's Note:**

> SIKE! No happiness yet! Though you probably already got that from the tags. Thanks for reading!


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